On The Journey Towards Acceptance

written by RITA O'CONNOR

Sigh. The journey toward acceptance begins with a sigh. The realization that "it" is a fact. Whatever "it" is... So, the question is, "What are you going to do about it?" Are you going to spend your time and energy fighting the fact? To be sure, acceptance is not passivity. We change what we can and accept what we cannot change.

I have a chronic illness. At first I took each episode as a discrete occurrence. Finally, one day, I accepted the fact of this illness, that it wasn't going away and that it had a profound effect on my life. Sigh.

I have siblings. I used to wish that two of them were different than they are. I decided to forgo that wish and begin to accept them as they are. It was then that I noticed things I liked about them. Strangely enough, when I stopped wanting so desperately for them to be different, they changed.

Both of my parents accepted that their deaths were near. This was a gift to our family. We didn't want them to die, we wished it otherwise, but rather than fighting it, we accepted the fact and said and did what we needed to.

Many years ago I heard the statement "To change something, first you have to accept it as it is." Seems contradictory. Yet it is true.

We can only start from where we are.

RITA O'CONNOR is a single, middle aged teacher living in Richmond Hill, Ontario. She is a staunch Roman Catholic and attends a United Church. She has been an assistant at L'Arche Daybreak and remains a friend of the community.