Weeds In My Garden

Looking honestly and unflinchingly at my behavior, while at the same time having compassion for myself, is a powerful combination.
I have the opportunity to change for the better, not to demand perfection of myself or others.
My perfectionism sometimes makes me forget that I'm engaged in a process of change over time. It also lets me exaggerate both how "good" and "bad" I am.
I need to remind myself not to compare my insides with other people's outsides.
I have my own unique gifts; accepting and nurturing these gifts brings me joy and allows me to contribute to the human community.
I am capable of feeling love and compassion for others who are far from perfect.
I can learn to extend that love and compassion to myself.

Inner Demons
by Gerry Straub
No one is untouched by fears, neuross and anxieties.
Unless they are brought into the light,
they are free to terrorize us.
Life is all about healing oneself.
Face your shadow,
confront your inner demons.
We tend to deny in the darkness
what we experienced in the light.

How often do we rediscover the Psalmist’s insight: hidden quilt festers; honest admission of guilt heals!
Sin is self-love to the point of contempt for God.
The way to overcome sin is love of God to the point of contempt of self.

With joyful trust, let me own my sins before the Lord who gladly forgives.
O God, be merciful to me, a sinner.
For words and deeds of impatience and anger – pardon me, O Lord!
For words and deeds of selfish grasping – pardon me, O Lord!
For words and deeds of unkindness – pardon me, O Lord!
For those sins of which I am most ashamed – pardon me, O Lord!

O Lord, all my guilt lies open to you,
all my secret sins are known to you,
all my ugly ways are clear before you,
yet you never cease to offer me your redeeming love.
Have mercy on me in my pitiful attempts
to cloak my sinfulness with false bravado,
and grant me the joy that comes
with full repentance. Amen

Wash Day

Monday – Wash Day
Lord, help me wash away all my selfishness and vanity, so I may serve you with perfect humility through the week ahead.

Tuesday ‑ Ironing Day
Dear Lord, help me iron out all the wrinkles of prejudice I have collected through the years so that I may see the beauty in others.

Wednesday ‑ Mending Day
O God, help me mend my ways so I will not set a bad example for others.

Thursday ‑ Cleaning Day
Lord Jesus, help me to dust out all the many faults I have been hiding in the secret corners of my heart.

Friday ‑ Shopping Day

O God, give me the grace to shop wisely so I may purchase eternal happiness for myself and all others in need of love.

Saturday ‑ Cooking Day

Help me, my Savior, to brew a big kettle of brotherly love and serve it with clean, sweet bread of human kindness.

Sunday ‑ The Lord's Day
O God, I have prepared my house for you.
Please come into my heart so I may spend the day and the rest of my life in your presence.

'Be kinder than necessary,
for everyone you meet is fighting
some kind of battle.'

शिप्व्रेच्केद इन साउथ कैरोलाइना

Constructive Review of My Character Defects

The building blocks to knowledge and wisdom are constructed through the lessons of my character defects if I constructively review my conduct each day, asking where I am resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid.
I need to remember to review constructively, not destructively.
Destructive review is when I ask, "what's the matter with me anyway." or "how could I be so stupid?"
These question lead to morbid reflection or remorse and seriously affect my self esteem.
In constructive review I ask, "what will I do next time?"
With constructive review I progressively eliminate the defect and replace it with wisdom.

#@#@#@#

My Dark Side

Have you ever gone outside at night and looked closely at the new moon?
Or looked through a telescope at the moon when it was crescent shaped?
Although what we see is a bright slice, we know there's more.
Even when the moon is full and lights the night sky, there's a dark side to the moon.

There's a dark side to me too.
I experience jealousy, envy, bitterness, resentment.
How about neediness? Ugh.
Who wants to shine a light on that?

What about all those fears?
Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of intimacy, fear of going broke, fear of the unknown, fear of growing old, fear of being alone, fear of being with someone, fear of losing control.

Then there are other parts of me that I would prefer to keep darkened and out of sight, parts such as greed, dishonesty, intolerance, disgust, hatred.
And what about our manipulative part?
Who wants anyone to see that?

I may even consider the dark side of myself forbidden.
I may refuse to acknowledge it exists because I believe it's wrong.
Not acknowledging my dark side doesn't wish it out of existence, any more than not seeing the dark side of the moon makes it disappear.

Most sane people agree that they don't want to be controlled by their dark side.
I don't want parts of myself - jealousy, neediness, and greed - to control my behaviors.
But when I don't acknowledge these emotions and traits, they can gain control.
The more I try to repress something, the more it fights for its life.

I don't need to be afraid.
I can shine a light on that dark part.
At least look at it briefly.
Acknowledge it's there.
Take some of the pressure off.
Let me be well rounded, instead of one-dimensional.
I don't just have a light side, a bright side.
Nobody is always loving, always kind, always generous, and always thoughtful.

Forgiving Myself

The most difficult part of ongoing recovery is admitting that I really am a sinner and allowing God to see and forgive me as I am, with all my faults unmended and all my flaws showing, especially the ones over which I seem to have no control.

Have mercy, My Creator, in your kindness:

When I am reluctant to own my sins as sins.

When I am afraid, in my sinfulness, to pray.

When I feel hopeless about the sinful patterns in which we are trapped.

When I refuse to forgive others because I cannot forgive myself.

Forgive what I cannot forgive;

heal what I dare not face;

grant humility where I take refuge in false pride.

Grant me singleness of heart and a stead fast spirit.

Elder's Meditation -- A Hollow Bone

In order for us to use our power well, we must become a hollow bone.
We must prepare ourselves to become a channel.
Our channel must be clean before we can use our power well.
We must be free of resentments, guilt, shame, anger, self pity and fear.
If these things are in us, we cannot be hollow bones.
These things block us from our power.
The cleaner we are, the more power we move.
We must become a hollow bone so the Creator can use us to do what he wants us to do.

My Creator, remove from me today

all resentment, anger, fear, guilt and selfishness.

Do not let my weaknesses stand

in the way of my usefulness to You.

Make me a hollow bone so

Your power can flow through me.