Weeds In My Garden

Looking honestly and unflinchingly at my behavior, while at the same time having compassion for myself, is a powerful combination.
I have the opportunity to change for the better, not to demand perfection of myself or others.
My perfectionism sometimes makes me forget that I'm engaged in a process of change over time. It also lets me exaggerate both how "good" and "bad" I am.
I need to remind myself not to compare my insides with other people's outsides.
I have my own unique gifts; accepting and nurturing these gifts brings me joy and allows me to contribute to the human community.
I am capable of feeling love and compassion for others who are far from perfect.
I can learn to extend that love and compassion to myself.

Inner Demons
by Gerry Straub
No one is untouched by fears, neuross and anxieties.
Unless they are brought into the light,
they are free to terrorize us.
Life is all about healing oneself.
Face your shadow,
confront your inner demons.
We tend to deny in the darkness
what we experienced in the light.

How often do we rediscover the Psalmist’s insight: hidden quilt festers; honest admission of guilt heals!
Sin is self-love to the point of contempt for God.
The way to overcome sin is love of God to the point of contempt of self.

With joyful trust, let me own my sins before the Lord who gladly forgives.
O God, be merciful to me, a sinner.
For words and deeds of impatience and anger – pardon me, O Lord!
For words and deeds of selfish grasping – pardon me, O Lord!
For words and deeds of unkindness – pardon me, O Lord!
For those sins of which I am most ashamed – pardon me, O Lord!

O Lord, all my guilt lies open to you,
all my secret sins are known to you,
all my ugly ways are clear before you,
yet you never cease to offer me your redeeming love.
Have mercy on me in my pitiful attempts
to cloak my sinfulness with false bravado,
and grant me the joy that comes
with full repentance. Amen

Honesty

The perverse wish to hide a bad motive underneath a good onepermeates human affairs from top to bottom. -- As Bill Sees It, Page 17

The deception of others is nearly always rooted in the deception of ourselves.

C H A N G E D = Choosing Honesty Allows New Growth Each Day.

The Four Absolutes

The Four Absolutes

by the Oxford Group,
used by early AAs before the Twelve Steps were written

Absolute Honesty
Both with ourselves and with others, in word, deed, and thought.

Absolute Unselfishness
To be willing, wherever possible, to help others who need our help.

Absolute Love
You shall love the Lord with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. And. . . you shall love your neighbor as yourself.

Absolute Purity
Purity of mind, of body, and of purpose.

Honesty

If I am troubled, worried, exasperated or frustrated, do I tend to rationalize the situation and lay the blame on someone else?
When I am in such a state, is my conversation punctuated with, "He did." "She said." "They did."?
Or can I honestly admit that perhaps I'm at fault.

My peace of mind depends on overcoming my negative attitudes and tendency toward rationalization.

Will I try, day by day, to be rigorously honest with myself?

Honesty is the only policy.

Excerpts from: A Day at a Time, by Anonymous

Honesty

Honesty isn't an event . . . it's a process.

Humility

You get just a little sobriety, and you get just a little humility.
Not much, just a little.
Not the humility of sackcloth and ashes,but the humility of a man who's glad he's alive and can serve.
You get just a little tolerance, not too much,but just enough to sit and listen to the other guy.
Somewhere along the line, if you've forgotten how to pray,you learn a little about that too. . . And you realize that if you put all this together, you get a little humility,a little tolerance, a little honesty, a little sincerity, a little prayer-- and a lot of AA.

-- Experience, Strength and Hope, pp. 201-202

Success: Working Hard At Doing . . . And Becoming

A commencement address by Brian McCoy, Chief Executive Officer, McCoy Corp., to Texas State University, San Marcos, Texas, May 12, 2007

Thank you, President Trauth, administration, faculty, students, family, friends and especially you graduates.

What A special day this is for you! My sister, my brothers and I were first-generation college graduates, and we received the encouragement and support of our parents and family, just as so many of you have received support getting to this place this morning. Congratulations!

I grew up in our family business, McCoy’s Building Supply, and that meant I worked part time during junior and senior high school and college loading lumber, making deliveries and serving customers while learning the business from the ground up. I skipped my last year of high school, graduated from college in three years, and so, at 20 years old, I became the manager of our Austin store. This store was running No. 2 in sales of our 11 locations, and so I knew it would be a challenging job.

I showed up the first day also knowing I wouldn’t be at the store very long, because I was destined for other jobs in order to get different work experiences. I only had a short time to show my team I would work hard for success of the business. Our store had a small office in the corner of the building, and the office “desk” was a wood door taken from our inventory, placed horizontally on two metal file cabinets at counter height, and the only chair in the office was an old bar stool.

I marched into the office with my assistant manager in tow, and I told Dan “See that chair!” I grabbed it, walked out the back door and over to the dumpster and I threw it away! I told him we wouldn’t be sitting down while I was there. We had things to do.

Later that afternoon I said to Dan: “I’ve got some good news and bad news. The good new is I’m going to buy you breakfast every day while I’m here. The bad news is breakfast is at 5:30 a.m.!”

It was several years later at a company gathering of our assistant store managers, one young man came up to me and asked this question “Tell me, Brian, what do I need to do to be successful?” And with all the wisdom I could muster from my short few years in the business, I gave him a most simple and woefully incomplete answer – “Well, you’ve got to work really hard!”

You very likely have asked yourself the same question. What do you need to do to become successful? And while you may find a lot of sources for you answer . . . books, speeches and advice givers who weigh in on what you should be doing, I think it is the wrong questions to ask.

Hear me clearly, a strong work ethic is incredibly important. I love to work hard. It’s something I’ve learned from my dad, and I credit his example as one of the reasons our business and our leaders have grown. And, considering all of that, I still think it is the wrong question to ask.

If that young man asked me the same question today, I’d challenge him , as I challenge you, to ask not what do you need to be successful, but rather, who do you need to become to be successful?

That’s the questions. Who do we need to become to be successful?

You need to become a person of integrity. It’s a word that’s tossed around all the time, but I still want to talk about it. There is such a lack of integrity in our workplaces, that unless you commit to having it, you will certainly be pulled from demonstrating it.

Integrity is telling the truth. Sounds easy, but it isn’t. Sure, it’s reporting financial statements accurately and citing references in papers honestly, but don’t miss that it is much more than the obvious. It is telling the truth even when it’s embarrassing, awkward, inconvenient, or even when it may impact your job promotion.

Integrity despise gossip. It gives credit to others when that credit is due. Interestingly, integrity is on display when we ask for help in the workplace.
Integrity battles the inappropriate kind of pride inside each of us. Integrity is not something you do. It is a part of who you are, or who you are becoming.
It is important to talk about integrity, and it is foundational to answering our question, but there’s something else I’ve been excited about sharing with you ever since I was invited to speak with you today.

We know getting things done is important, and doing them with integrity is a must, but the people who I see becoming truly successful have gone a step further. They are consistently giving to others, and they take the initiative in their giving and serving.

What are they giving? I’m glad we can talk about that. They are giving care, encouragement, support and respect to the people they encounter.
“Giving First” involves putting people first. That’s radical in business. The business world is cutthroat, underhanded, selfish . . . right? Well, it doesn’t have to be that way. In fact, a “Giving First” mentality is radical in life, because if you believe it, it means people come before jobs, titles, projects, objectives, and if you’re in business like me, even before profits.

At our company, it is displaying care for Mike Keegan, a McCoy veteran who lost his father earlier this year. Mike has many friends at McCoy’s and it always blesses me to know our folk don’t have to face life’s hardest days alone. I know I’ll be connecting with Mike next month on Father’s Day knowing he’ll be missing and remembering his dad.

Did you happen to catch ABC’s “Extreme Makeover Home Edition” a few weeks ago? I wish you could’ve been there in Lawton, Okla., when we yelled “Move that bus!” as the Gene Westbrook family moved into their new home. Our McCoy’s Lawton crew worked around the clock to be a part of that community’s outpouring of support. With our donation of the lumber for their home we got paid back with the excitement and personal fulfillment of helping a family in great need.

Our world needs more celebration, and I’m found of saying I’m the CEO of McCoy’s . . . I want to be the chief encouragement officer; now I know that sounds cheesy, but I truly believe sincere encouragement can have an incredible impact on those around us. Recently I timed my visit to be sure I could give Wayne Ehrig his 35-year honors in person at our Belton, Texas, location. We have over 2,200 employees at McCoy’s, and yet it is always fun to be able to focus on specific individuals. And you know, I personally keep up with the birthdays and company anniversaries of over 300 McCoy people every year, and I love making that a priority of my day.

Sheryl Bailey took over our unprofitable Stephenville location two years ago. You might imagine the fun I had calling her last month as we celebrated yet another month of solid sales and profit, all due to her leadership of that store team and her focus on customer service.

For many years now I have marked my calendar to remember the date when a key member of my staff was involved in a very tragic childhood accident, knowing where his thoughts will be every July 11. That means personally calling or meeting with him on that day to make sure he isn’t feeling alone, and I get the opportunity to share with him what a huge impact he has made at McCoy’s. Others in our company will do the same.

I’m excited t share with you the thought of giving and serving others, because for too many years right after my graduation I was so focused on just doing I was missing out on being engaged in the relationships in my life, both personally and professionally.

In today’s world we have access to tremendous technology. I couldn’t connect with the many people in my life without voicemail and email, that’s for sure. But please hear me, guard yourself against the danger of hiding behind the technology. Some communication should be live on the phone, when two-way conversation is a must, and sometimes, it is critical that we be in person, face to face, for the very best in serving one another.

Be a person of integrity, strive to give mightily to others, but I’ll be honest with you, it is difficult to do either without courage. And courage today is displayed through our communication. Am I willing to share my disappointment with someone, and will I vulnerably share my needs with another rather than resent what they’re doing – or not doing – for me?

For instance, if someone repeatedly fails to follow up on a commitment or constantly turns in work late, am I committed to appropriately confront them, rather than talk behind their back? Will I conduct my life to invite others to share vulnerability with me when I need valuable feedback? I hope so. Be courageous.

You need to know your “to-do” list will never get completely done, so for you perfectionists out there . . . get over it! Work toward “weaving” your giving opportunities into daily life, not when everything on your list is done, which, I’ve found, is impossible.

Your life won’t be all success. In my lifetime I’ve failed often. Early in our marriage my emphasis on getting things done left not nearly enough time for my family. I am grateful for my wife, Wetonnah; my brother, Mike, my sister Brenda; and my good friend David Ferguson for sharing with me the need for more balance in my life.

I have failed in business too. Early in my career, as I emphasized “working hard” for myself, I failed to properly develop others around me as I should. Some years back we were closing locations rather than expanding, and it was during that time my brother and I realized our company need to change . . . in both our business plan and leadership development. Our internal management and leadership training is called “Business as UnUsual,” and what makes it unusual is at the core of this training is a “Giving First” mentality.

Getting things done is important , but that cannot be what it’s all about. Today, graduates, it is all about you, as it should be. You’ve worked hard; you’re earned it. And when today’s celebration is over, and with the rest of your life beginning, please remember, while we’ve go things to do, let’s also strive to become.

Thank you, and Godspeed.